Iranian "news"

I'm writing a paper which requires me to read a government issued Iranian news source for two weeks, and I have found some pretty crazy stuff for your enjoyment. Keep in mind that all of these statements are not quotes from people, but are journalistic additions subtlety worked into the masterpieces that are these Iranian news stories.

"The independent stance of Iran and China vis a vis the hegemony of certain powers serves international peace and stability."

"George Bush, who is aiming to be the world leader, believes he can do something new by creating a chaotic atmosphere in the Middle East."

From Ahmadinejad: "Though the enemy (US & Columbia U) had made preparations for not allowing Iran's voice to be heard, they could not succeed."

"The president's visit (to the UN) also showed the dignity of Iran to the international community and made the enemy's plots boomerang."

Headline: "Britons Smarter than Americans"

"The president noted that negotiations with the US are only possible if the US reconsiders its unacceptable behavior...given our culture and scientific background, the world has nothing to offer and this was quite evident from what happened at Columbia University...with the help of Almighty God, the whole thing turned against them."

my personal favorite:
"The zionist regime knows very well how Iran will hit back, if it dares to attack. Israel is in range of all Iranian missiles. We can also attack Israel by our jet fighters. We will not let Israel do a damn thing as easily as it does its propaganda."

"The mechanisms of Americans reveal their weaknesses...Iran is helping restore security to Iraq while the US is helping the counter-revolutionary forces inside Iraq."

and one for you, matt...
"The US is not qualified to host the international meetings of the United Nations...related to the US refusal to issue visas to foreign dignitaries entitled to attend a UN meeting because of its domestic policy and other limitations imposed by the American administration."